You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
