at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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