Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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