Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
