took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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