official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
