can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
