You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
