I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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