Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
