Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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