susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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