I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
