Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
