I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
