somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
