Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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