Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
