I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
