Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
