Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
