I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found a bag of teeth...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
