never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So apparently I’m into choking now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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