Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
