HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
