birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
