I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
