Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
