I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
