Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
