yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
