i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
