I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
