no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
