I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
