He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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