i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
