that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
