i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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