I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
