I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
