Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
