A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
