Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
