Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
