nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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