Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
