wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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