Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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