he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
