look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
