Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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